your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
