At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
