My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
