god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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