I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've blown a few things in my day
where does the pee come out of this thing
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
