This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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