sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
