Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
