bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
