Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
