wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
