This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
