What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
