whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I deserve this hangover.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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