i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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