I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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