I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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