I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He? As in you personified your dick?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
