U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
