I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
