I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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