Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
