Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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