This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
