Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
