If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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