yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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