She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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