Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
