there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
40s are totally the cure
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
