my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
