My room smells like vodka and shame
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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