Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
