They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
