Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
