think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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