New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
