Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
