i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
