OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
