Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
