I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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