Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
