I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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