u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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