My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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