It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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