yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
did i walk over a car last night?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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