I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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