its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
