i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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