was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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